I've just had what can only be described as the world's worst breakfast - coffee and a Double Decker, and something just wasn't right. They've messed with the crunchy bit. It's different, and it's not different in a good way. The texture's all wrong, and it's totally compromised the integrity of the bar. It's not fun to eat. It didn't make me feel naughty and a weeny bit wrong, it just made me feel dirty on the inside.
The poor old Double Decker has now been relegated to my list of chocolate bars that used to be great, but have been 'improved' by the manufacturers, so that now they're just horrible.
Twix? A playground favourite now rendered inedible by its 'new, crunchier base'.
Curly-Wurleys are smaller than they were when I was 10 and I can't help feeling ripped off.
Toffee Crisps were ok until they monkeyed about with the rice crispies in the middle. Have you tried one recently? Rancid.
Kit-Kat almost achieved a stroke of brilliance by making the Chunky version and then took it a step too far by introducing its vomiticious Peanut Chunky cousin...not cool guys. (That's probably a little contradictory given my obsession with Reese's Peanut Buttercups and their hangover busting brilliance but I don't care. They should have just stopped at the Chunky)
I could go on. But you get the point. The chocolate bar I feel really sorry for is the humble Penguin. Penguins are brilliant. Until some bastard introduces you to Tim Tams. Like a Fosters-swilling magpie in the biscuit aisle, the Tim Tam is what the Penguin would be if it went to the gym and took some steroids on the side. As Graham Norton discovers, you can do things with a Tim Tam that are better than sex.
Yum.
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