So I'm back in my flat, with the rodents, and the Ignorant Kiwi is back from his travels. Predictably enough, it was an absolute fecking tip when I got in, but I was expecting that. What I wasn't expecting was for him to say he'd organised drinks with all our upstairs neighbours on Sunday afternoon at 5pm... I mean, him, voluntarily choosing to spend time with me around other people? That's just plain weird. The best way to describe our rocky relationship is to liken it to John and Mary on Father Ted - the married couple who, in front of Ted, are loving and happy, but the minute his back is turned start bashing each other over the head with frying pans. When Ignorant Kiwi and I are together in public you'd imagine that not only do we like each other, but we actually get on very well. There's banter, there's in-jokes, we could be the next Morcambe and Wise we're so goddamn funny together.
5pm Sunday rolls around and I start to tart myself up a bit (ie, get out of my pyjamas, make a vague attempt to tame my hair) and head over to the bar, fashionably (almost an hour) late, expecting to see Ignorant Kiwi surrounded by the coterie of adoring females, who all think I'm really lucky to live with him. I figured I'd just have to be sociable and make funny for half an hour or so, so they wouldn't think I was a rodent breeding hermitfreak, then I could slink back to my pit to watch Strictly Come Dancing. So imagine my horror when I walk in and there are no neighbours, just IK nursing a solitary pint. It took all my self control not to run, yelping, back to the safety of the sofa: I'd actually have to sit in public and make conversation with him. Damn.
At the end of the day it turned out ok. We had a couple of drinks and the conversation only paused a couple of times - he even said that when he got back from holiday and neither me nor the rodents were there, he was really worried. After we headed back to the flat we talked for a bit, watched Top Gear together and then I demanded to watch Strictly Come Dancing so he ran away to play on his computer game in his room... but he still came in to say good night like a normal human being.
Oh shit, this doesn't mean we're becoming friends does it?
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